Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
