I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
