it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
