Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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