What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
