The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
