i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
