He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
