I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
