Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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