did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
