i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
