So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
