Michael Bay diarrhea
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
