we have pet lesbian snakes
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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