Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
