Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
