why didn't you poke me back
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
