I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
