I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
