Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
