I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
are you so shy because you have an std?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
