Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
