At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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