but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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