no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
