You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
