There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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