you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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