My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
