I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There's always time for handjobs
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
