I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
honey bunches of taint.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
