Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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