She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
