Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I skipped work to stalk him.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
