Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Randomize
