One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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