I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
