Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
