hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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