he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
