idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
