I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
