my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
