Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Don't make out with my wife yet
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
