We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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