why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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