Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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