Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
