I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Randomize
