Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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