I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
