Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
COCAINE IS GR8
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
