No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
